Sunday, May 8, 2011


Found Condoms is back from its self-imposed hiatus with this thrifty find from Prophylactic Point-Guard, Hillary Lee!

Hillary and her bosom buddy, HVH, found this unopened studded Rough Rider in the toy chest of an Alabama thrift store.

Now, the common observer would surmise that this condom was left amongst a pile of innocent children toys as an inappropriately hilarious joke by a group of sexually maladjusted teenagers - that was certainly my first impression. Why would a legitimate business leave such an adult accessory in the view of little boys and girls? Obviously, this was the work of some disreputable hooligans, looking for a cheap laugh.

But then, I saw the name of the thrift store......


Wait for it...

Wait for it...


Are you ready??

116 E 16th St
Anniston, AL 36201

(256) 237-0999

Fucking SEEDS of Abraham Thrift Store!!!!

This post can basically write itself from here on!

Abraham, a descendant of Noah's son, Shem, was a big mover-and-shaker in the Bible and planted his seed in many women, eventually spawning the line that would give birth to Moses and Jesus! And now he has a thrift store in Anniston, AL that's named after his spunk.

The name itself should be more than enough to let you know that this store is selling a lot more than just affordable second-hand Menswear. They're selling sacrament. By swallowing the Seed of the Old Testament's Abraham, a customer consumes the spiritual spermatozoa of Christ, and is therefore impregnated with the Holy Spirit. The act of oral sex, especially when taken to its maximum climax, is a pure, animalistic, intimate experience between giver and recipient. The technologies of the modern world disappear into a sexual rhythm and the two participants become as one, locked into a single beast connected between lips and phallus.

But when a condom is introduced, the intimacy becomes awkward and the seed is stopped from reaching its destiny.

What we have here could be a form of religious protest not seen since Martin Luther presented his Ninety-Five Theses against the Catholic Church in 1517! The introduction of this ready-to-use protection has connotations that exist far beyond that of a wayward, youthful prank. It just may be an indictment against the Christian Tradition itself!

Onward Anti-Christian Soldiers!

Hillary Lee Finds a Condom!