Sunday, September 18, 2011

Vince Reviews a Gravy Flavored Condom from the movie "Thankskilling"

The makers of the 2009 Warner Bros. horror movie Thankskilling sent me two gravy soaked condoms in the mail to review on Found Condoms. The clips and audio from the film are used with permission from the filmmakers.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Karaoke Condom!

Ben and Jackie found this lovely Yellow Rubber outside of Downtown Olympia's hot spot for late night karaoke, The China Clipper!

The China Clipper is dank-chic; half meat-market/half seasoned-alcoholic-hangout, it remains one of my favorite lounges in the United States of America!

This is the place to go after foolishly promising yourself that you're just going to have one Happy Hour drink at The Brotherhood Lounge down the street(119 Capitol Way North Olympia, WA 98501). Something about the social mystique of Downtown Olympia takes you over, one drink turns into 7 and then you've somehow convinced yourself that everyone NEEDS to hear you sing "Monster Mash" on a hot August night!

It doesn't matter if you're tone deaf either - everyone is a star at the Clipper! My musical alter ego, Vinny Gaga, couldn't carry a tune if it were in a bucket - but when I pick up that microphone, apprehension is peeled off like a used prophylactic, my pitch falls flaccid, and then I have a cigarette outside! FUCKING GROOVY!

For any of you finding yourselves in the Olympia area, Karaoke happens 7 nights a week from 9PM til close! Be sure to check out one of the happiest, sexiest night spots in the world!

China Clipper Club Cafe
402 4th Avenue East
Olympia, WA 98501
(360) 943-6300

Vinny Gaga's Karaoke Wet Dream:

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Safe Sex On The Beach!

Karly found this corroded condom on the beach of Bainbridge Island in Washington State!

Bainbridge Island, located in Kitsap County near Seattle, is pure $$$$$ and progressive politics - in July 2005, CNN/Money and Money magazine named Bainbridge Island the second-best place to live in the United States and both John Kerry and Barack Obama defeated their Republican opponents in the district 7 to 2.

So, to get a better picture of the sandy love-making that preceded this picture, imagine some pasty Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr types locking lips and groins with their trust funds fully erect and a waiting Prius nearby playing a Dave Matthews Band album. Forgive the overwrought regional pun - a Microsoft joke just wouldn’t make sense.

Besides the bank accounts and the wannabe-Kennedys, Bainbridge Island also boasts a few notable celebrities and people-of-note, including the original drummer of Nirvana, Chad Channing, SNL alum, Chris Kattan and adult film star and Penthouse cover model, Tori Black!

So thanks, Karly, for reminding the world that Bainbridge Island can still get its blood pumping beyond the aphrodisiacs of time-share options and political primaries!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Panama Prophylactic

My pal Whitney found this condom wrapper in the jungles of Panama while she was on a college expedition to study frogs!

"Here's the condom (wrapper), and a couple pictures from the forest where I found it. I was going there every day to collect data on a frog population and one day it showed up, not far from the road. The forest is on on Isla Colón, Bocas del Toro Province. I was in Panama for two months and this was the only condom I found!! Never even saw one in Bocas town, which is a dirty place." - Whitney

Christopher Columbus discovered the Bocas del Toro Province in 1502 and originally called it Isla del Drago, which loosely means "Dredged Island" - it's current name translates into "Mouths of the Bull"! And here's some bullshit for you to ponder - our dearest Whitney spent two months in this bull mouth and only found one condom wrapper there the entire time! I've spent nary an hour exploring small areas of Seattle, WA or Anniston, AL and I've come across 5 or 6 used rubbers in just one area!

What can we, as Americans, learn from this glaring dissimilarity? Do the Panamenos contain a greater sense of civic cleanliness than we? Or do their safe-sex practices leave more to be desired?

Judging from Whitney's testimony, we can assume that cleanliness shouldn't be much of a factor (no more so than in the U.S.) - so do the people of Panama merely use less condoms than we do?

According to Index Mundi, home of the Internet's most complete country profiles, the birth rate in Panama, as of this year, is 19.43 births/1,000 population (2011 est.) - compared to the United States' 13.83 births/1,000 population (2011 est.)

As intriguing as these statistics may be, they must be considered in light of the fact that abortion is currently illegal in Panama, with the exception of life-threatening circumstances. But with such an option off of the table for most potential parents, would one not expect then to find more condom wrappers?

Or are we just skimming the surface of a cultural divide which further taboos the notion of public sexual intercourse? And what is with that snake?

These mysteries are too large to be tackled in just one Found Condoms post - so I will leave you to your own conclusions.

And I will leave you with some Van Halen.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

A Message from Benjamin Sherman, founder of "Obama Condoms"

Below is a message from Benjamin Sherman, founder of "Obama Condoms", whose street vendors have been recently harassed by the NYPD. Last year, Found Condoms did a brief expose on the Obama Condom movement, which you can view here.

Please offer Benjamin any support that you can by reposting this blog, thank you!

Vince Ynzunza

***Our battle with the NYPD continues to rage on. They continue to arrest our vendors even though a NY State Supreme Court judge ruled that we could vend our condoms on the streets of NYC because they are protected by the 1st Amendment of the Constitution. Despite this ruling, Jose Andujar (who the article talks about), was arrested twice in the last two weeks.

Prior to the NYPD arresting our vendors, we had 40 individuals selling Obama Condoms on the streets of NYC, making a great living during hard economic times. Because the NYPD has decided to interpret the law themselves (when they're only suppose to enforce it), we're down to three because our vendors don't want to get arrested and spend up to 72 hours in jail waiting to get arraigned.

I am hoping to bring attention to this story and hope that we can get the NYPD to STOP arresting our vendors now that the NY State Supreme Court has said that we can vend them.

If you know anyone who can help bring attention to our predicament, please have them contact me. It would mean a lot to me and to the vendors who sell Obama Condoms.


Benjamin Sherman
Practice Safe Policy

866-99-POLICY/ Toll Free
917-704-8444/ Desk
866-765-2070/ Fax
244 Fifth Avenue Suite B221
New York, NY 10001

Sunday, May 8, 2011


Found Condoms is back from its self-imposed hiatus with this thrifty find from Prophylactic Point-Guard, Hillary Lee!

Hillary and her bosom buddy, HVH, found this unopened studded Rough Rider in the toy chest of an Alabama thrift store.

Now, the common observer would surmise that this condom was left amongst a pile of innocent children toys as an inappropriately hilarious joke by a group of sexually maladjusted teenagers - that was certainly my first impression. Why would a legitimate business leave such an adult accessory in the view of little boys and girls? Obviously, this was the work of some disreputable hooligans, looking for a cheap laugh.

But then, I saw the name of the thrift store......


Wait for it...

Wait for it...


Are you ready??

116 E 16th St
Anniston, AL 36201

(256) 237-0999

Fucking SEEDS of Abraham Thrift Store!!!!

This post can basically write itself from here on!

Abraham, a descendant of Noah's son, Shem, was a big mover-and-shaker in the Bible and planted his seed in many women, eventually spawning the line that would give birth to Moses and Jesus! And now he has a thrift store in Anniston, AL that's named after his spunk.

The name itself should be more than enough to let you know that this store is selling a lot more than just affordable second-hand Menswear. They're selling sacrament. By swallowing the Seed of the Old Testament's Abraham, a customer consumes the spiritual spermatozoa of Christ, and is therefore impregnated with the Holy Spirit. The act of oral sex, especially when taken to its maximum climax, is a pure, animalistic, intimate experience between giver and recipient. The technologies of the modern world disappear into a sexual rhythm and the two participants become as one, locked into a single beast connected between lips and phallus.

But when a condom is introduced, the intimacy becomes awkward and the seed is stopped from reaching its destiny.

What we have here could be a form of religious protest not seen since Martin Luther presented his Ninety-Five Theses against the Catholic Church in 1517! The introduction of this ready-to-use protection has connotations that exist far beyond that of a wayward, youthful prank. It just may be an indictment against the Christian Tradition itself!

Onward Anti-Christian Soldiers!

Hillary Lee Finds a Condom!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Fuckley, WA

TEENAGERS! HORMONES! PUBERTY! HORSES! Condom hunter, Leianne, brings us this wonderful photo montage from Buckley, WA - a quaint hamlet of hard sweat, American industry and young, awkward love! This area of Buckley is known as the "Sandhills" or "Powerlines" by the hip, lovely youth and it remains a classic testimonial to the picturesque beauty of Washington State and the Pacific Northwest. But even in the most sublime cases of untouched Americana, the sneaky zygote of seminal reality lies waiting in the grass like a horny rattle snake. Lucky for us, Leianne was there to document. Armed with her Nikon and atop her equine companion, Stormy, she brings us a series of images that truly speak for themselves.

Loneliness can make kids do crazy things. Sometimes it's too easy to assume that there's no one to talk to - so they seek to belong by offering their young, nubile bodies to any jock hero or transient with a Jim Morrison poetry book. But it's important to let our youth know that they are not alone - and here's famed Buckley resident and country music prodigy, Blaine Larsen, with a message of love for all the lonely teenagers out there.